A crime of passion

She first found evidence of the intruder a month ago. Then she saw the intruder a few times but it was brief, fleeting. It unnerved her that her private sanctum was violated.

It caught her by surprise; the rustling of fast feet, and then, there it was. Staring her in the face. She froze for a second. Then it was a race - she to grab a weapon, the intruder to safety.

The sound of the weapon being used and the smell of the poison added to the adrenaline rush of the chase. Finally, the intruder was cornered, disoriented by the poison. She looked at it and there was a brief moment of indecision. But she felt the outrage rising. How dare they enter and defile her home?

And so the intruder's life was ended with a few strong blows. As it lay wriggling, dying, she looked at it with disgust and swiftly disposed of the body. It was one woman against a bold, relentless intruder. It was a "crime" of passion.

The Continuing Saga of Sean & Aidan - Car Chatter

We were passing the airport which is undergoing extension works...
Sean: Look! Two giant diggers!
Aidan: That means they are two bludders! (brothers! The "r" isn't rolling on his tongue yet. haha..)

On the way home from kindy...
Aidan: I didn't see E-Zen in school today
Sean: I did! I saw him in the bathroom.
Aidan: But I didn't see him in class!
This went on back & forth for a bit and then...
Sean: Hmmm...maybe I didn't see E-Zen. Maybe it was someone else.
Aidan: It was ME-la!
Huh?!! haha...

On the way to town...
Daddy to me: Hmmm....maybe I should keep my hair long
Sean: Ahhh, then can go kill lions!
Well! Proof that at least some Bible stories are sticking. Yay!

Sean learns to joke

Sean is five years old and today i found out that he's learning to joke. We were driving home from kindy. Sean and Aidan were in their car seats in the backseat. Elyon Lee was riding shotgun. Aidan was calling, "Elilon! Elilon!" I tried to help Aidan pronounce it right. "Aidan, it's air-lee-yawn", I said. "It means he yawns a lot!" Sean teased. I didn't expect that but I told him not to make fun of people's names.

After we dropped Elyon off, Aidan suddenly said, "I have a new friend in class mummy!" He said it's a boy. I asked the boy's name. He wasn't sure but said, "I think it's Tee Shaw" (I'm guessing the spelling). "You mean the tricycle?" Sean quipped and laughed. I couldn't help a surprised chuckle. Of course he meant that Tee Shaw sounds like trishaw. Cheekiness!

Premonition?

It's happened one too many times. Honestly, I'm a bit freaked. This morning, I was driving and reached out to switch on the radio. As my fingers touched the nob, the song, "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus flashed in my head. I turned the nob and....The Climb was playing.

Last month, we were at Putra Hospital, bringing the kids to see a paediatrician. We were walking into the lobby and the thought popped into my head that I'd see an acquaintance upstairs. I didn't give it a second thought cos it's highly unlikely...I met the person the day before and she was in the pink of health. BUT....there she was in the clinic next to the paediatrician's! I was stumped (managed to wave at her).

Then there was the time I was having breakfast at a roti canai shop. This pakcik asked if he could sit at my table cos there was no place else. We got to talking. He told me he was doing maintenance contract work nearby. Weirdly, I just had a feeling that he would pay for my breakfast and he did! I mean...the guy's a complete stranger! Why would I even have such a thought?!

Sometimes I'd just know that someone's gonna call and sure enough, they'll call not long after. Sometimes I know what some people will say. There have been many other weird instances but I can't remember them.

The world may call this women's intuition, premonition, etc but as a Christian...frankly, I'm at a loss what to make of it. What do you think?

Kids & God

There we were, Sean, Aidan and I eating chicken rice for lunch. Out of nowhere Sean asked a question & it lead to very interesting comments. I'll try to re-cap it...

Sean: How did God get into my tummy?
Me: (huh?!)*Didn't say anything.Waited for him to explain that weird question*
Sean: God is here right? But we can't see His face.
Me: Yeah, He's always with us but we can't see Him.
Aidan: God is in my heart!
Sean: God is in heaven but here don't have heaven.
Aidan: God is in my heart!
Sean: How does God get in my tummy? So many things in my tummy already.

*I didn't answer Sean cos sometimes he just says things to be cheeky/funny. He knows we've never ever said anything about God being in his tummy!"

Aidan: God loves me you know! He loves me everyday! He wants us to be good. To eat vegetables, fruits, so that we can be strong!

*I smile & nod my head*

Macam Sharifah Aini?

About three weeks ago, I went to the Peringgit Community Clinic because I had been coughing for over a month and also my wrists were hurting to the point that I sometimes could not hold a mug properly.

After a very long wait at the registration counter and another not-too-long wait at the waiting area, my number was called. The doctor was a young Indian lady. She looked quite fierce. Told her about the cough and wrist pains. She immediately started filling out forms for two types of tests - Sputum (to determine why the prolonged cough) and a blood test to test for rheumatoid arthritis. Because I occasionally suffer some pain in my knees, and other joints she said it was best to test for rheumatoid arthritis.

Now, I know one might think...arthritis? Doesn't that occur in older folks? Well, onset of rheumatoid arthritis is usually 40's to 50's but no age is immune.

So I went to the laboratory and they gave me three round containers to err...spit into. Wow....have to produce so much phlegm. I barely managed. Then it was on to the blood test. I was never afraid of the needle as a child, in my teens and as an adult. But strangely, these past few years, I find myself dreading blood tests and steeling myself for it.

So, there I was, a bit nervous. The nurse who was to draw my blood (heh! so dramatic) was a motherly Malay lady. She smiled and was friendly. As she tightened the elastic band on my arm, she said, "banyak juga tahi lalat di tangan awak". I smiled at her and said, "muka saya lagi banyak." She took a good look and, "eh ya la! banyak nya! Macam Sharifah Aini!" *chuckles*

I have no idea why I've so many moles. Its multiplied over the years. There are more than 15 on my face and neck alone. A friend who's a photographer said that she'd have a hard time taking photos of me because have to work hard to "erase the dots" afterwards. Ha!

Anyways, the sputum test would take 2 weeks and the blood test, six weeks. I went to collect the results for the sputum test last Thursday. The doc (a different one) took one look at the results and said that the prolonged cough was because of some "kuman." I asked what "kuman?" She just said "batuk berkuman". Duh! She prescribed an antibiotic that needed two doctor's signatures or the pharmacist would not release it. I am much better now though I have not finished the course.

Three more weeks to the blood test results. Hope its NOT rheumatoid arthritis.

A Tale of Two Toothbrush Holders

So Sean and Aidan's happy & "comfy-cosy" in their own room. They still come to my bathroom to wash up because we haven't gotten them toothbrush holders for their attached bathroom. I had specific ones in mind. Last Sunday, we were in Jusco and I brought them to select their toothbrush holders. These were their choices. Can you guess which cute holder belongs to whom?


Well, Sean chose the blue rhino and Aidan, the cute Beagle. Needless to say, they were fascinated at the mechanisms of it. We taught them how to use it and they got the hang of it though Aidan hadn't perfected it.

One afternoon, they brought my mum to proudly show her their toothbrush holders. Suddenly Sean came running down with something in his hands. It was the Beagle...headless. He said Aidan got too rough trying to demo the use of the holder to my mum and it popped right off. Apparently, he opened and closed it again and again incorrectly and in a rough manner. I went to take a look and this was what I saw.


*Sigh* I felt sad. The poor Beagle. Just four days on the bathroom wall and already damaged. Luckily, it could be fixed and its now functioning well next to its rhino friend.

And that concludes the Tale of the Two Toothbrush Holders.

A room of their own

Thursday, 29 March 2009 was a very special day. It was the day that Sean and Aidan finally moved into their own room. They've always slept in our room (on their own beds). We want them to move into their own room but didn't want to force them. Broached the idea with them a few times since last year but they were adamant - "We wanna sleep with mummy & daddy."

Thursday, 29 March 2009 something snapped, or rather I snapped because of somethings the boys did and I thought, "Ok, it's time they move into their own room so that I have some space." I admit, it was a lousy way to make a decision; when I'm mad but at that time I thought it was best for the sake of peace in the house. And so I huffed and puffed and moved the spare queen sized and single mattresses out of their allocated-but-turned-into-a-guest-room into my room and their mattresses into that room. All the while they were playing downstairs, blissfully unaware of what was going on.

Just as I was almost done, they came up and saw the changes. Sean quietly said, "Mummy, I don't want to sleep alone in that room." Aidan of course said the same. I quietly answered that I will discuss it with daddy after dinner and let them know how it'll work out.

Well, after dinner, we brought them to their room. They were apprehensive but curious. We explained that we'd always wanted to give them their own room and that we'd paint it soon - a fun color they'd like - we can decorate it with their artwork, move their books in, put in a new wardrobe soon, etc. They got excited and were soon running to and fro my room to theirs getting ready for bed, chatting and laughing.

As they were settling down to sleep, Aidan pronounced the room "comfy-cosy". And Sean agreed.

We sat with them till they slept and were expecting them to keep coming to us that night but Sean slept through the night and Aidan only came to find me at 5.30am. Brought him back to his bed and he went back to sleep. It's been that way ever since, Sean sleeps through and Aidan will look for me in the wee hours of morn. It was better than we'd expected.

The next day, another surprise - they didn't want me there for their afternoon nap. They said they could sleep on their own at daytime. Wah! So I left. After a while, I heard lots of giggles and sounds of them playing and they didn't sleep. But it was ok, I was just so happy at these unexpected steps of independence.

Now, our room seem empty without them. I miss them and Jason admitted he misses them too. Somehow the room isn't "comfy-cosy" without them. Haha! That's parenthood I think - bittersweet.

Unequipped for the job

First of all, realize that children are naturally noisy.
Second, doing what comes naturally isn't "naughty" to a child.
Third, we ask too much of children, depending on their age, when we make them sit for long periods in chairs or high chairs.

The above excerpt is from the book "Have a New Child by Friday" by renowned Christian psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman. I agree with him and wish more adults are aware of the above facts.

Case in point: I was at a meeting in a church not too long ago. The children were given wee chairs right in the front row at the extreme right of the meeting hall. There were about 7 kids aged 3+ to 8 including my kids. There was a lady sitting there with them to "look after" them. She's one of the Sunday school teachers. I was seated a couple of rows behind them. The meeting lasted about 2 hours and I think that the kids behaved very well. They spoke to each other, moved in their chairs, read books, drew, played with small toys but one couldn't hear them and they were not distracting.

Apparently, the lady looking after them didn't think so. She kept hushing them and getting to them every time they moved or did something. I was really annoyed. I mean, does she expect them to be still as statues? They can't understand what the preacher was saying and I think that indulging in a bit of drawing, playing with toys and chatting is alright as they were doing it with minimum noise and movement.

At one point, she grabbed the pencil from a boy and told him to stop it just because he was showing his drawing to another boy and they were both drawing and chatting. I really saw red then but kept my peace. In the end, I think she was the one being distracting - moving always to hush and what not. The poor kids.

While I appreciate the fact that this lady and many like her sacrifice time and effort to volunteer in Sunday school, I wonder why can't they be trained/equipped for the job? They should understand kids and if not, at least be taught what to expect and not to expect from kids and how to handle them.

Tunggang terbalik

Last week, Sean was pretty excited about The Donkey - an art & craft thingy he made at Sunday school. That night, Jason asked him to write his name on that paper. And he did - in an almost complete mirror-image! Only the last letter, "N" is not a mirror image.

We were surprised. We took a good look at him and he looked flat out tired. We realized that he didn't do it on purpose and it wasn't because he forgot how to write his name. He must've been so tired, his brain somehow just went a little hay-wire.

Sometimes he writes numbers and alphabets backwards when he does his homework. He'll look at the sample but still write it backwards. Eye-brain-hand processing/coordination gone hay-wire?

I recall that he sometimes draws trucks "backwards" too - with the back part of the truck first and the way he draws that rectangle part of the truck is from bottom right to left and up. Unlike the way a right hander would draw it and he's a right hander.

I find it all a bit perplexing but maybe it's like that with some kids at this age. Hopefully, he'll grow out of it.

My Valentine

Yesterday was Valentine's day and it was just another day for us. No gifts, no date night (my hubby has been ill for 6 days) but that didn't bother me. However, sometime in the evening, I caught a look at myself in the full length mirror and I was really bothered.

You've heard or read it before, I'm sure - the term "letting herself go." It means women who've stopped taking care of their appearance after having kids or for whatever reason. Weight gain, unflattering hair, frumpy clothes, terrible complexion, etc. Well, that look in the mirror told me just that - I've let myself go. There are spare tyres aplenty, flabby arms, hard-to-groom hair, round face with desperately-need-a-facial complexion. *sigh*

I started grumbling that I look so aunty/ah mah. I've seen so many hot mums and I dunno how they do it (with lotsa help from the mighty moolah I suppose). I need a makeover - a new hairdo, facials, etc but it's all so expensive, *grumble* grumble* grumble*

My dear hubby assured me he loves me the way I am (I gave him the evil eye) and that he'd try his best to provide for a makeover of sorts. I said, I understand our finances and don't ask for much. And he said......"You don't ask for much but I want to give you much."

And there it was. The most romantic thing he's said in a while. It was Valentine's day yesterday. :)



Addendum : Some couples start looking like each other after years of marriage. Jason & I don't look alike (haha!) but often we dress in the same colors. Unplanned. Happened again today. Both of us ended up with brown tops for church. I guess the t-shirt he was wearing says it well : Same Same (front of tee) But different (back of tee). :)

Who am I?

I've always envied people who are confident, different, sure of what they're to do here on earth and already happily at it, unafraid to stand out in a crowd...just comfortable in their own skin.

I on the other hand have always been uncomfortable in my own skin. Not a confident person, just another face in the crowd.

And lately, I've been even more unsure of myself. Somethings that were once a "sure thing" and a dream for me is now in tatters. The more I look at myself, the more I seem to fall short of who I really want to be.

I guess that's why it's so great that Jesus is my Saviour. But I'm still trying to connect the dots and emerge from my cocoon a proud butterfly, sure of what my Saviour wants me to do and fully able to do it for His glory.

Quite literally

Children are so literal! Case in point...

My adorable Aidan has turned not so adorable since his third birthday last month. Like his brother, he's got the case of the Terrible 3's. Testing limits, defiance, etc. Especially when it's time to brush his teeth. Rule is we call once, they obey. Lately, been calling Aidan to come to the bathroom to brush his teeth but he's been disobeying.

Last night, he came when I called but with a slight grumpy look. I reminded him, " Must come when I call. What did Jesus say?"

Now, I was expecting "obey mummy & daddy" (from Ephesians 6) but Aidan said....

"Go brush teeth."

I had to control myself from laughing, put on a solemn face and told him, "Jesus said to obey your daddy & mummy."

So funny!

Majesty

MAJESTY

Rising, I feel my heart sing
His praises, our Lord and King
The wonder, the majesty
Welcome the King of Glory in

PRE-CHORUS
Every tribe and tongue
Every land will sing Your praise
To the end of time we sing
Majesty

CHORUS
All majesty to the God of creation
All majesty God of all generations
This anthem we sing
To the God of all nations
All majesty we sing

We sang this song in church this morning. The first song of the first service of the year. And it's so apt. What a way to start the year! All Majesty, King Jesus! All glory to Him! Amen!

Christmas Man

Ay, tis the season of gifts and giving again. Usually, I get into the Christmas mood by popping my all time favourite Christmas CD (A Christmas Story by Point of Grace) into the player. But this year, it's already 19 Dec and its quiet in my home. No Christmas songs. Just no mood la.

Anyway, we were surprised to hear carols just now after dinner. Turned out, the neighbour across the street had a bunch of carollers over. They are catholic, so quite a number of the carollers were dressed in red and had Santa caps on. There was of course, a Santa. Aidan and Sean were excited but we couldn't see much from our house. When the carollers were leaving, Sean and Aidan were watching from my front door and Aidan sadly remarked, "Mummy, the Christmas Man is leaving!" He meant Santa Claus. I didn't correct him cos I didn't want to get into who's Santa Claus. Not tonight anyway. I prefer my kids to know that Christmas is really about Jesus.

The carollers reminded me of some of the best times I had as a teen. I was in Evangelical Free Church then. Each year, we'd pack into a school bus and go from house to house singing carols. We'd do this for two nights at least. We'd be laughing and singing in the bus and enjoy the cool, windy night. We'd always be so full from all the goodies at each home that it's sometimes hard to sing. I remember, one house we went to, the host, a doctor handed out lozenges to everyone! haha!

Yup, those were really good times. Doing two of the things I love most - hanging out with friends and singing.

Psychology

I find psychology fascinating. I've always had a habit of analyzing why people behave the way they do and sometimes even predict what they'll do or say. Dunno how or why I do that. Just seems like it comes naturally to me and I've been doing it forever.

Of course, I analyze myself the most. And most of the times, I don't like what I find. I'm still trying to be comfortable in my own skin after all this time (no, I'm not that old!) and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be comfortable with myself.

I don't have a degree on the wall so much of what I analyze and perceive...I've no concrete proof whether its right or wrong but I've seen what a vicious cycle is and its one of the most horrible things ever. Sometimes I feel like I'm disconnected....head and heart has lost its link and I find myself staring at a monster. A monster that's been trying to get out of a cycle but might as well try to get out of a whirlpool unaided.

So. JESUS be my AID. I need YOU. Amen.

What Lies Beneath

Aidan will be 3 years old this Friday. Time sure flies. My baby is no longer a baby. But he's still very cute. His vocabulary and observation has improved much these past months resulting in many funny, cute and endearing remarks or conversation. Today was no exception.

He woke from his nap but Sean was still asleep. He wanted to go to the loo and as I was dressing him after that, I thought I'd seize the opportunity to talk to him about wearing underwear. We wanted him to start wearing underwear sometime soon but so far he's refused. So, I told him its time he started cos he's a big boy now and etc. At first he wasn't keen and I left it at that. Then he said, "I want a red one". Oh boy, the ones I bought him were different shades of blue. I showed them to him anyway. All with Spiderman design. He pointed to Spidey and asked, "Is Spiderman wearing underwear?" Well, obviously, not on the outside like Supes but I said, "Yes".

He chose the dark blue one and after I put it on him, he looked pleased and said, "I'm so proud for my underwear" (I think he meant "of"). I was surprised cos he's not used the word "proud" before. And then, "I love my underwear because it look so nice. Thank you mummy, for buying my underwear."

After half a minute, he sat up and said, "Am I still wearing my underwear?" He lifted his t-shirt, checked and said, "Yes, I check edi, I'm still wearing my underwear."

After that, he proudly announced to Sean, my parents and Jason that he's wearing underwear cos he's a big boy.

Haha! So cute!

Works of Art

It's the school hols and Sean & Aidan are bored. Well, they get bored during school days too but the bored-o-meter is much higher during the hols. My stress-o-meter is higher too. :) Anyway, Sean starts bugging me to give them art & craft to do. So I bought a box of water colours, a palette and brushes. They couldn't wait to start.

I wanted to show them something fancy so I cut ladies fingers and dipped it into the paint and pressed it onto the paper and...they weren't impressed. *sigh* They just wanted to get their hands on the brushes and paint away. (Good thing I didn't make potato stamps too).

So paint they did. It was shaky at first as they weren't used to brushes and each colour in the palette turned black because they got too excited to remember to wash the brushes before dipping into a different colour.

But soon, Sean got the hang of it and started painting trucks. What else?! That's all he draws and talks about. Trucks, trucks, trucks. Aidan was busy experimenting with colours and turned out some abstract pieces.

I took snapshots of the paintings and put it in my Facebook. Just click here.

Now, to put my thinking cap on for the next art & craft project.

Sean's playlist

Sean developed his playlist when he started going to kindy. He'd want me to switch on the radio the minute he's in the car. The morning will begin with "Blesed Be Your Name" followed by "Better Is One Day" and "Heart of Worship" all by Matt Redman.

Then it's

"Everything that has Breath" (by Matt Redman)
"From the Inside Out" (Hillsongs)
"I Believe in Jesus" (Hillsongs Kids)

I have to listen to these songs Mon-Fri, twice a day. It sure got pretty tiring. For me. Sean would be happily singing along. He knows all the lyrics and even the ad libs! It can be pretty funny.

I was a tad worried that he was growing to be an "old soul" - these songs are all slow songs! I'd try to switch to some faster, rockier numbers but he'd steadfastly refuse. I'm his MUM and I prefer rockier tunes! Ha!

Finally, one fine day, he started showing interest in a couple of tunes by Tree 63. I was elated! Yeehah! My boy's startin to groove! And that's when the MP3 player in the car "died-ed". Aaargghhh! Turns out, it's the "car's fault"...some connection problem. *sigh* Hopefully, it can be repaired soon so that we can be rockin again.

Death

A morbid title huh? But yeah, death's been on my mind more often than I'd like these past 2 years. Ever since I lost my beloved Ah Kong in 2006. Before that, I'd been pretty much "death proof" in that it hadn't touched me cos no one close to me had died. I'd witnessed people's pain as they've lost loved ones but I've never felt "it".

So, ever since Ah Kong went to Jesus, I'd had fears of losing more loved ones. I'd become more aware of our mortality....and of how "old" (they're actually not that old but y'understand) my parents are and that scares me. And I know, the day will come when they'll go home to Jesus and I'd be left here to grieve and miss them and honestly, I don't think I'd be able to handle it.

I worry for the safety of my husband as he travels to work on his motorbike. I'd never be one piece again if I lost him. And - all parents will agree - once I became a mum, I experienced not only joy but a whole new fear. Fear of anything bad happening to my precious babies. I agree with Nichole Nordeman on her album, BRAVE. She recorded it after the birth of her first child and it's in there somewhere, this fear for one's child and the need to be brave.

And then all the tragedies in the world these past years - Hurricane Katrina, the Earthquake in China where so many children died and most recently the terrible tragedy that befell Steven Curtis Chapman's family last May (they lost their youngest daughter in a tragic accident) - it's like a blinking neon light on this subject I've come to dread.

But I thank God for SCC and his family. As they walk thru this terrible valley, they've spoke up of the faith that has kept them breathing and they've shared this on Good Morning America and also, Larry King Live (it's on YouTube) this week (I don't think you can watch these interviews without crying).

I thank God for their courage to share in the midst of such pain and I've been redirected to my Father to whom I should share all my fears instead of letting them trouble or overwhelm me. For to be afraid of death is to make light of Jesus' sacrifice for me on the Cross of Calvary. To worry is to doubt his Word that He watches over us and that everything is in His Hands. We may not understand why things happen the way they do but I'm reminded that His ways are higher. As Mr. Chapman said in his song, God is God

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God

Amen